2 is Enough. For Us.

2 is enough. 

You guessed as much as to what this is going to be about?

We attended a niece's full month last week and often at such celebrations, we get these:

Relative:  Why don't 'bo' aka gamble to have another child.  Maybe it's a girl.

Or

Relative:  Have another girl lah!  

B will often reply, "you think it's like going to the market to buy meat ah."

Often, we had to reiterate that we are perfectly fine with 2 boys.  And if we do have another, the child's gender does not really bother us.

We decided that having 2 is enough. 

The boys have each other for companionship and both of us have enough time (not exactly enough seriously) for them and some personal / couple time.

But is it really enough?  Again, this is subjective but this is what I think:

Both of us work.  Many times, a day of 24 hours is never enough.  Work starts at 8.30am and ends 5.30pm (assuming no overtime, no entertainment).  By the time we are home, have dinner and wash up, it's almost 8pm.  At 9.30pm, the children are supposed to be off to sleep.  Remember the chart about how many hours a child should sleep?  I think most Singaporean kids are badly deprived!!!

With the increased publicity about parental involvement and sitting down playing with the children, have you wondered how much time you actually spend with the children?  

Annual leaves are usually 14 days for most and we have 6 days childcare leave because our youngest is still below 7.  How is this ever enough if childcare centres and student care centres have closures of 5.5 days a year allowed.  No, I am not saying that they should not close, I am just stating a fact that we never ever have enough leaves to go around.  Especially for full time working parents without much support.

People always think the baby bonus and the CDA top-ups by the government is a lot.  And is enough to support the upbringing of a child.  But do you also know that sending the children to infant care centres and childcare centres are not cheap too?  

Both D and E were in infant care from when they were a couple of months old.  Each month is at least SGD1,000 after subsidies.  How much can those government bonuses last?  You do the maths.  

And if I were to have a kid because of those bonuses, it will never be enough.  It is a good to have, but no, it is not enticing enough to have more.  

So now, I may have people pointing at me and saying, well, who ask you to send to an infant care that costs that much when there are cheaper options?  

That is because deciding to have children is our choice and responsibility.  And for now, 2 is enough as that is what we think is within our capabilities - to send them to schools that we think are reasonable, to spend time (is there ever enough actually?) with both of them whenever we can and to feel that our lives as a family is not always in a chaotic mess and rush.  

So yes, 2 is enough for now.  Should we decide to have a number 3, do not worry.  We will let you know. 

That aside, I know of some people who stop at 1 or 2 not because they want to, but because circumstances does not allow them to have more.  They could be having problems conceiving or might have just gone through miscarriages.  So, each time before you decide to ask that very question or make that particular statement, stop a minute and maybe, holding the tongue will be better.   :) 

Disclaimer:  I am writing from my own personal point of view and this does not represent any other parent.  I also agree to disagree on any statements that other parents have.  :)

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