Two Hospital Admissions - 'Horrible Mum' or 'You Did All You Could!'

Warning: words only, no graphics.

As I sit in a room in one of the most expensive district in Singapore, I wonder.  I wonder what I have done or have not done that made it the second stay in 6 months.  No, I am not having that nice, cocktail-in-hand kind of staycation.  I am in Mount Elizabeth Hospital.

I wish it was just a dream but it wasn't.  The hard sofa bed, disruptive sleep is all real.  E was admitted for a second time for fever and cough (layman terms).  Everyone has their fair share of fever and cough every year so what does it warrant an admission?  Not when his fever was for 6 days and a cough that sounded chesty or barking.  And I do not demand the admission.  It was at the doctor's advice.

Don't judge as to why and how I allowed just a simple fever and cough to develop into something more serious.  It wasn't within my control.  If I could, I would probably make sure they are never sick, but sometimes life loves giving us lemons (pun intended).

Okay.  Back to that simple fever and cough.  Both episodes that caused admission were similar.  Fever that didn't seem to go away for a few days.  The first day or two when we went to a GP, it was diagnosed as a start of a common cold.  Paracetamol and some cough medicine and that's it.  Then we have well intended friends who suggested that it might be viral fever, that will break in a few days.  Granted, it could really be.  The only 'wah lau eh' moment for viral fever for a FTWM like me means - cannot go school; I cannot go work because who knows when viral fevers break.

But when a worsening cough develops after a couple of days of fever, I know deep down it's not that simple.  Mummy's instinct probably.  I struggled within myself  as to whether to send him to the A&E (on a weekend) or our regular PD because on one hand, I was afraid to be judged by people or doctors who think that well, it's nothing serious, why am I fussing over it.  On the other, I fear for a decreased oxygen level as he was coughing every other minute.  #Parentingwoes

But I guess I made the right decision because on both ocassions, he was hospitalised for at least 3D2N. Now then came another guilt.  What have I done to cause this?  Was it something I ate during pregnancy?  Was it what I have been feeding over the years?  As much as I try to juggle between work and family (and I thought I was doing okay), such 'events' simply dropped me to the lowest point from wherever I was.  Back to ground zero.  And it does not help when people comment on what you should have done or what you should not have done, even though there are no scientific or medical basis to them.  Who can totally relate?

I only know from both stays that fever has to be controlled before they allow discharge.  Drinking water is one of the most important thing one can do.  Always listen - there are various types of coughs: chesty, croup, barking - whatever you call it.  But if it sounds weird, or uncommon to the usual cough, always wise to check it out.  Because coughs can be due to various reasons - it can be viral or bacterial and most times, only a blood test can determine.  And if it's a bacteria and it is not treated, the body system will continue to fight the bacteria, thus the fever.  Once the right diagnosis is given and correct medication is administered, the fever will go down.

Totally random post because I guess we all know that we would have wanted nothing but the best for our children.  For now, it's back to picking up the pieces and climbing up that 'Best Mum' ladder again.  But then again, I know my sons never doubted me being their best Mum.  That's what matters most. 


Disclosure: I am not a doctor or a medical professional.  What is stated are my personal experiences.

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